Some people reading this will not be able to identify, or there will be no resonance with the sense feltness of what appears to me. What I have come to realize is that the only truth is big C consciousness. All that is experienced within this consciousness is just seemingly going on. Nothing in this experience has any inherent meaning other than what we choose to give it. I appear to be just another character in this seeming reality, that would have no apparent basis but for the universal acceptance of the concept of time. The concept of an individual separate self is a lie we have to tell ourselves to appear sane to the rest of the dream characters. I don’t really exist, I’m an empty suit.
But I’m in a story, and in that story I need to find some purpose, or at least something to occupy my time before the body dies off from whatever. I am very lucky to have found a wonderful wife and companion who I very much enjoy being with. We do fun stuff, tolerate each other’s foibles and laugh a lot. The love is solid and comforting.
My photography gives me something to do and enjoy. Making the zines adds another layer to that. It’s harder when other people start taking it more seriously than I do. It is difficult to answer questions about it when I just view it as something I have fun with. People want serious answers about my “process”, and most of the time I fumble for words looking for something that I think they want to hear.
The truth of the matter is, I don’t feel like there is an I doing it, any more than the I is doing anything else. The photography and everything else happens through this action figure, but not as it. It is a seat assignment that could terminate at any time, nothing more. I am just a dancing skeleton with a camera.
I have been getting unexpected attention surrounding my photography lately. A couple of weeks ago at a gallery show in Durham, NC, I was introduced to Jeff Goldstein, of Vivian Maier fame. He was showing a photography wall he was curating, called the Vivian Maier Project, this in conjunction with the annual local Click Photo Fest. He gave me his card, and that was about it at the time.
An artist friend, who was there that night, and was already friends with Jeff, later encouraged me to submit a self portrait, which is the theme of the wall. I submitted a recent one, that he liked and accepted, but then I thought of an older one, and sent that one as well just to see what he thought. He really liked the second one, and wanted a print to frame for the primary side of the wall. He then wanted more access to my work, and wanted to see the zines. After seeing the zines, he requested a set. He plans to feature those as a part of the exhibit. This is the photo to be featured.
To say the least, I am a bit overwhelmed. The project will be exhibited in two different locations the next two weekends, one in Raleigh and the main event the following weekend in Durham.
Took this photo while sitting in my car Sunday afternoon waiting for the rain to stop. While sitting there, I began to ponder the nature of my relationship with the various subscribers to the zine, mostly the ones who get theirs by mail, and what I wanted that relationship to look like going forward.
The usual run I have printed of each issue is thirty. The mailing list is usually just short of twenty people, and I have delivered some in person in the past. I posted a while back that I wasn’t going to deliver anymore, but I have for certain people, that will cease. If you want one, I need a mailing address. I usually just randomly leave the others in free libraries or free art spaces, or give one to someone I meet who sounds interested. I have decided not to do that in the future.
I presently have three copies of #7 and seven copies of #8, that’s about 30.00, in printing costs sitting in a box in my car. That is going to change as well. The next issue, and all future issues will be a run of twenty. To stay on the subscriber list, you will need to be proactive in expressing that desire, and you silent people know who you are. I love you, but as I have said previously, the damn thing is free, at least let me have some sort of feedback, it’s not that hard.
As I do more writing to balance with the images, this process will be more personal. The last one was leaning in that direction. Limiting the audience seems appropriate in that environment. Love you guys.
I sit here in my usual chair with poetry books all around me, and a new notebook into which I have entered words appearing to be of a poetic nature, eight so far, poems not words. Rewatched the movie, Paterson, this past weekend, about the city bus driver, played by Adam Driver, who writes poetry in his off hours, a very cool movie.
It seems I have shifted into seeing what I do as zine making, and not photography. The photography informs the zine process for sure, but I want the words to be just as important. The next zine will be different in that way. Also, even though I have had fun with different covers and use of text, some in typeface and some by hand, I am seriously looking at finding a single style to use in all the coming issues for the cover and back pages. More to come on that.
The smaller size will remain. I hope people like it, cause I sure do. I am hearing nice feedback on the last one so far, which pleases me. All for today.
While I wait to hear from the printer, and their ability to downsize the zine to 9×7, I will talk about how I’m shooting right now. As I mentioned in a prior post, I have a Holga plastic lens that works on my digital Olympus camera with the use of an adapter. The lens is supposed to be around 60mm, but on the Olympus with its four thirds sensor, it is doubled to about 120mm, which I like.
I was shooting at the standard aspect of the camera, which is 4:3. The results were a little spotty, with darkened areas at times, or more vignetting than I like, and then I remembered that the original Holga film camera, which uses 120 film, shot in square images. I switched the aspect ratio on the camera to 1:1, or square, and the results were much better.
This has become my favorite kit for the moment. Looking forward to playing with it more over the next couple of months.