The latest zine just came together over the past two days. Sometimes I have to start piecing it together before I know what it’s supposed to look like, and this one was all of that. I got about 26 pages in and hit a stopping point, plenty of material left, but unable to see my way past where I was. Woke up this morning and the solution presented itself and the rest of the 40 pages fell into place.
It has been sent to the printer. It will be the new downsized format, 7×9, again. Not wallet sized but easier to tote around if so inclined. Turned out to be a bit of a hybrid of the last two versions I posted about. Hopefully out to you in time for your Thanksgiving enjoyment.
It has been a while since I posted here. A good bit of sorting out has been happening. There are potential things outside of the zine process that have been going on, one in particular that I will write about later if and when it comes to fruition.
I have been stuck in a holding pattern in regard to the next zine, number nine. I thought I had a format set up, some sort of poetry and images on facing pages, but that seems to have changed. I have written several long form poems, and a few short haiku like ones as well, all of which I like, but it seems the more I look at and review them, the more they strike me as similar to journal entries than for public consumption. I was also struggling a bit with matching images to the words and words to images.
I am going back to the abstract roots of the first few zines. The images will be the poetry. I have some ones I’m already quite pleased with and there will be more. Looking forward to a beach trip later this week, and discovering abstraction in that world. This will be the cover of #9, past that nothing in the final list so far, clean slate.
After this past weekend, and the past three weeks or so for that matter, my photography seems a bit up in the air as to where it’s going. I have a new big supporter and fan in Jeff Goldstein, who wants to make some things happen, a show or exhibit somewhere for starters. He is very busy with his own thing right now, which I am happy about, as it gives me some time to step back and take a few deep breath’s.
I had a rough outline for the next zine, but now I don’t feel in a hurry about that. When it happens is not important, or even if it happens, who knows. Maybe the next zine as a sort of catalog for a show or exhibit, I just don’t have a clue right now. I do know that I am pulling back from instagram as a place to post my images, especially any images that could end up printed and on a wall. I have even gone back through my feed and deleted some images for the same reason.
Seeing so much printed photography this past weekend has inspired me to print more of my images, even if I just hang them on my wall. I want see and evaluate them in printed form, see how they stand up.
I don’t know where any of this is going, but that is just fine. Living in not knowing puts you in the ideal framework for finding out. In no context, anything can arise.
Some people reading this will not be able to identify, or there will be no resonance with the sense feltness of what appears to me. What I have come to realize is that the only truth is big C consciousness. All that is experienced within this consciousness is just seemingly going on. Nothing in this experience has any inherent meaning other than what we choose to give it. I appear to be just another character in this seeming reality, that would have no apparent basis but for the universal acceptance of the concept of time. The concept of an individual separate self is a lie we have to tell ourselves to appear sane to the rest of the dream characters. I don’t really exist, I’m an empty suit.
But I’m in a story, and in that story I need to find some purpose, or at least something to occupy my time before the body dies off from whatever. I am very lucky to have found a wonderful wife and companion who I very much enjoy being with. We do fun stuff, tolerate each other’s foibles and laugh a lot. The love is solid and comforting.
My photography gives me something to do and enjoy. Making the zines adds another layer to that. It’s harder when other people start taking it more seriously than I do. It is difficult to answer questions about it when I just view it as something I have fun with. People want serious answers about my “process”, and most of the time I fumble for words looking for something that I think they want to hear.
The truth of the matter is, I don’t feel like there is an I doing it, any more than the I is doing anything else. The photography and everything else happens through this action figure, but not as it. It is a seat assignment that could terminate at any time, nothing more. I am just a dancing skeleton with a camera.
I have been getting unexpected attention surrounding my photography lately. A couple of weeks ago at a gallery show in Durham, NC, I was introduced to Jeff Goldstein, of Vivian Maier fame. He was showing a photography wall he was curating, called the Vivian Maier Project, this in conjunction with the annual local Click Photo Fest. He gave me his card, and that was about it at the time.
An artist friend, who was there that night, and was already friends with Jeff, later encouraged me to submit a self portrait, which is the theme of the wall. I submitted a recent one, that he liked and accepted, but then I thought of an older one, and sent that one as well just to see what he thought. He really liked the second one, and wanted a print to frame for the primary side of the wall. He then wanted more access to my work, and wanted to see the zines. After seeing the zines, he requested a set. He plans to feature those as a part of the exhibit. This is the photo to be featured.
To say the least, I am a bit overwhelmed. The project will be exhibited in two different locations the next two weekends, one in Raleigh and the main event the following weekend in Durham.
Took this photo while sitting in my car Sunday afternoon waiting for the rain to stop. While sitting there, I began to ponder the nature of my relationship with the various subscribers to the zine, mostly the ones who get theirs by mail, and what I wanted that relationship to look like going forward.
The usual run I have printed of each issue is thirty. The mailing list is usually just short of twenty people, and I have delivered some in person in the past. I posted a while back that I wasn’t going to deliver anymore, but I have for certain people, that will cease. If you want one, I need a mailing address. I usually just randomly leave the others in free libraries or free art spaces, or give one to someone I meet who sounds interested. I have decided not to do that in the future.
I presently have three copies of #7 and seven copies of #8, that’s about 30.00, in printing costs sitting in a box in my car. That is going to change as well. The next issue, and all future issues will be a run of twenty. To stay on the subscriber list, you will need to be proactive in expressing that desire, and you silent people know who you are. I love you, but as I have said previously, the damn thing is free, at least let me have some sort of feedback, it’s not that hard.
As I do more writing to balance with the images, this process will be more personal. The last one was leaning in that direction. Limiting the audience seems appropriate in that environment. Love you guys.