Some people reading this will not be able to identify, or there will be no resonance with the sense feltness of what appears to me. What I have come to realize is that the only truth is big C consciousness. All that is experienced within this consciousness is just seemingly going on. Nothing in this experience has any inherent meaning other than what we choose to give it. I appear to be just another character in this seeming reality, that would have no apparent basis but for the universal acceptance of the concept of time. The concept of an individual separate self is a lie we have to tell ourselves to appear sane to the rest of the dream characters. I don’t really exist, I’m an empty suit.
But I’m in a story, and in that story I need to find some purpose, or at least something to occupy my time before the body dies off from whatever. I am very lucky to have found a wonderful wife and companion who I very much enjoy being with. We do fun stuff, tolerate each other’s foibles and laugh a lot. The love is solid and comforting.
My photography gives me something to do and enjoy. Making the zines adds another layer to that. It’s harder when other people start taking it more seriously than I do. It is difficult to answer questions about it when I just view it as something I have fun with. People want serious answers about my “process”, and most of the time I fumble for words looking for something that I think they want to hear.
The truth of the matter is, I don’t feel like there is an I doing it, any more than the I is doing anything else. The photography and everything else happens through this action figure, but not as it. It is a seat assignment that could terminate at any time, nothing more. I am just a dancing skeleton with a camera.